Ideas.
I haven’t written personal stuff in here for a long time. I guess it’s because the stuff I want to say is a little strange and I feel weird about saying it.
I’d like to explain a little about why I decided to leave China, and to leave it now.
To some degree, it’s because I’m feeling sort of flat. Nothing is exciting me here. My job isn’t challenging me right now either. I feel I need to so something new, learn something new, have something to work toward.
I was also sort of worried about the Olympics. I thought Chinese people had built it up unrealistically in their minds, expecting it to be this perfect thing that would gain accolades from all over the world. I expected that a lot of foreign media organizations would be nitpicky, focusing on all the little problems they saw, and that Chinese people would be surprised and angry about that. I guessed, because of my experience with Chinese people so far, that people would get really bitter about this, and it might affect the lives of foreigners here. We might be the target of resentment, or not be as welcome as we once were. Therefore, I thought that now might be a good time to leave. What with all the events in Tibet, the biased media coverage, the disruptions of the torch relay and the nationalistic feelings these things have stirred up here, it seems like I was right about that.
Thirdly, I have a feeling that it’s just time to go. This is what I feel weird about talking about. In a way, it’s a kind of “God told me to” feeling. I have this deep gut feeling that I am meant to leave China this summer. It reminds me of in DONNIE DARKO, when the teacher who is played by Noah Wylie, says something to him about “walking in God’s channel.” I feel like if am going to walk in God’s channel, and stay on the path I am supposed to be on, I need to leave China this summer.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
So you have already made up your mind huh?
If your inner self told you to go and leave China, then just go and leave it.This…is the most important thing. The potential chinese resentment toward foreigners shall not be a problem…
you chose to go to Michigan Univ or somewhere?
anyway,congrats for shifting to the “path” you are “supposed to be on”.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:13 am
I saw a baby in a bathtub on the back of a bicycle today. I think it was a sign too, but I dont know what it meant.
I just worry if you are finding life in China flat, and the US is boring anyway… will you be able to survive there? But EL is a good town. I think it will be enjoyable.