More summer moaning and groaning
Oh, all the summer decisions, all the summer confusion.
I’m back in that state, as usual, of trying to figure out what to do. There are even more possibilities opening up, and as usual, I’m at a loss to what to choose. In fact, I’m even so tired and burnt out on thinking about this that I’d like to let it drop, or maybe I should just make a decision and stick with it.
My hours at the Rhode Island job still aren’t certain – the guy in charge has given me remarkably little info about it. I only know that I’ll probably be teaching students between the ages of 13 and 16. But this constant vagueness has really made me lose faith in the school and the guy heading the program. He’s never told me straight out I had a job, for goodness sake! That, plus the fact that I would have to find accommodation on my own, makes everything seem so difficult it might not be worth it.
Added to this is the problem of getting around, which will be a problem no matter where I go. It’s really inconvenient not to be able to drive, and to not have access to public transportation. This raises all sorts of problems. How will get to place to place is number one, of course.
All of this came to a head last year when I was supposed to go to Bloomington. Originally I was supposed to fly out, and then stay with Evelyn for a few days in Indianapolis. Somehow the idea came up that Evelyn would drive out and get me, which sounded great. The prospect of having a friend at my parents’ house, something that never happened before, was really exciting. I though it would be fun, and I’d feel a lot less stress if she were there. But somehow, she invited her son. I knew that my dad didn’t want him to come because of something he had written on a notepad when she called mentioning it. Then my mom got all uptight because she was afraid he would be uncontrollable and break things, particularly my brother’s train set. She suggested that he not be allowed into the house, and be kept in the back yard instead. You can’t very well tell your best friend that their child is not allowed to come into your house and will be kept outside like an animal, and even more importantly, there is a canal in the back yard, so it isn’t very safe. It just all became a big problem, with my parents wanting Evelyn and her son to stay at a hotel, then there was a quarrel about who was going to pay for the hotel, then my mom wanted to drive me to Indianapolis, my dad got mad and didn’t want me to go at all. Eventually Evelyn’s husband said they’d drive 2/3 of the way, meet my mother 1/3 of the way out, and drive me back. The whole incident was very embarrassing and traumatic for me.
Truth be told, I don’t want to go home at all. It’s just stressful and horrible. Talking to my dad is like having my face rubbed in gravel. He can’t ever say something nice or straightforward. He’s always criticizing me, being a know-it-all, or making smart alecky remarks. I freaked out the last time I was at home and ended up shouting at cursing at him for the first time ever, and hurling a portable steamer to the ground, breaking it. I realize that he’s even more galling now because now I’m used to being treated with respect in my work and personal life.
On the other hand, I feel honor-bound to go home because it will be his eightieth birthday. I ought to check to make sure they really expect me to come back, though. There is no excuse to put myself through misery unnecessarily. (And just to mention it, my dad didn’t plan to come to my MA graduation ceremony, an event that I felt HE’D feel honor-bound to attend.)
In some ways, it’d be easier just to stay in China, but I feel I really need a break.
I have another interesting offer for something to do in the summer – Susan J. has offered me the chance to stay in her apartment in Philadelphia from about 7/18 to 8/18. Maybe this would be a great idea. It’s a city, with public transportation, or at least taxis. It’s not far from there to Washington, D.C. so I could see Adam, and it’s not far to NYC so I could see Phil and Amanda. I’m thinking I could take a train to either place. There is also the possibility of looking for some sort of casual temp work there. The only down side is that I don’t know very much about the city, and I’ve heard that it’s spotty as far as safety goes. But then again, I wouldn’t be going out that much at night because I wouldn’t know people, and I’d probably be going on little side trips. I might just be staying in a lot, relaxing, reading, and listening to NPR.
I could do the whole Bloomington thing again, but I haven’t even started to plan for that.
There are also two more possibilities: I’ve applied for a summer ESL job in College Station, TX. It’s a ten week program, with much better money than the RI job. There will still be the problem of getting there, but it seems they are much better organized and have a Web site explaining to students how they can get there using shuttles, etc. It’ll be hot in TX, which I hate, but I’m hoping it will be dry heat, and that there will be adequate air conditioning. All I have to know now is if I’ll get the job, if I’ll be able to stay in some sort of on-campus housing (which is a possibility), and if the schedule meshes with mine at ECNU. If those things go all right, I’ll definitely take the job.
The last one was to apply for a job with my friend Curtis’s company. They build Internet communities and are looking for someone to work on their new site gays(dot)com. It’s for proofreading and writing. I’m okay with the proofreading, a little scared about the writing. The problem is I don’t know if I could really commit to having this job for a long time. I don’t think they want someone just for the summer. If I could go in temporarily, just for the summer, that would be okay. I don’t want to get a job and then pull out of it, inconveniencing everyone. I’ll try to ask some people at his company about it. If it would be okay to do it temporarily, maybe I could stay in Shanghai and do that.