Temporarily despondent
I’m feeling totally fine, after a few hours of feeling freaked out. I realized last night it would not be as easy to buy my plane ticket as it was in the past (when I did it through HK fare consolidators), so that freaked me out. My computer conked out again, just when I wanted to use it to look for fares and deal with my E-bay stuff. I spent the whole day dealing with/worrying about all that stuff instead of going down to where the Shanghai Film Fest was being held. I ended up just going to see THE WHITE COUNTESS, which was being shown in the theater on my campus. Well, the film turned out to be dubbed in Chinese, and, just like I had heard, it was REALLY slow and unengaging (if that’s a word). While I was sitting there I got a text message from my co-worker Ed, the guy who had run into Sammo Hung by our school gate. He informed me that he was downtown on Renmin Road, and there were tons of movie stars all over the place because of the opening of the festival.
Damn! I felt like such an idiot! I was asking myself why I was such a loser, lately always in the wrong place at the wrong time, why I didn’t try harder to get downtown to check things out, if it was because I’ve lost all faith in life and don’t think anything good can happen anymore, if I was in the midst of a run of bad luck, if my bad mood was due to some sort of mental problem, if I was really a bitter, twisted failed graduate student without even knowing it, if I should go back to school, etc. I got a bad massage and booked an air ticket, so I feel better. But maybe I should still ponder all the questions I was asking myself…