I can’t stop farting!
I have this horrible ongoing farting problem.¬† I think it started several months ago when I drank some cheap red wine.¬† Since then, I’ve been farting more, and farting more frequently, than I ever have in my life.¬†
I’m not too sure how to tackle this.¬† I tried eating yogurt with active cultures, but to no avail.¬† Maybe I will try some¬†probiotics to set things right.¬† Or am I farting because I have too many little things living in me already?
The most mortifying thing would be if the sound of my flatulence turned out to be carrying through the wall to the next apartment.  I would be giving the people there a very strange impression of foreigners.
February 24th, 2006 at 12:57 pm
Haha! Have you been eating more carbs? I find that there’s more farting when carbs are involved.
February 24th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
if you wanna fart,fart.It will do your belly good. -Mao
February 24th, 2006 at 6:06 pm
IMHE, yoghurt hurts rather than helps. And Dane’s comments are well taken.
February 24th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Didn’t he also say, “If you have to shit, shit”?
September 10th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
After my hemeroidectomy, farting became a problem. Not long ago, I created a trick that works like a charm. Simply put, if you stop the spincter from vibrating, you stop the loud sound. How you ask? Simple, and cost effective. Just tear off a 24 inch long piece of toilet paper and keep folding in half until it is about two inches in width. Carfully shove the wad up into the crack of your ass until it rests between the cheeks and is pressed up against you butt-hole. This actually muffles the spincter and prevents it from vibrating…no noise! At best, a really good fart will only make the slight sound of slow air escaping, but not a loud fart. As far as the smell goes, well that’s definetely a diet issue.
February 15th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Farting is a natural process, I only find the need to complain when I follow through. However Certina pads or nappies can stop it running down ones leg………….
February 15th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
I am a snuffle dinker. I like a bombay ruffle.
February 15th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
I enjoy a good sniff too. Let em rip………….
February 15th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
I am holding a dutch oven workshop in stonehaven town square next weekend. Bring your own duvet.
February 16th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
:o !
Are men in Scotland reading about my farts?!?
February 20th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Yes Just having a GAS!
February 20th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Ha Ha, I have a wind problem. Cant get enough oven time. I like a bombay ruffle too.
February 23rd, 2007 at 9:00 pm
I am having a dutch oven party, bring your own bombay ruffles
February 24th, 2007 at 12:24 am
My socks smell of wind!
February 24th, 2007 at 12:25 am
Stop insulting our ovens.
February 27th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Bottom burp, Floating air biscuit, parp, guff call it what you like they all smell rough. I like to have a sniff we can all wallow in our own.
May 13th, 2007 at 2:23 am
Get a grip man!
I once new somebody that pulled down there pants stuck their bum in somebodys face and when they turned around “Let em have it”…
so i really cannot understand what you are complaining about as it sounds like you are having a bloody good fart and getting away with it.. in this country a fart is something to behold and is often found humorous.. I am sure that you will find sympathy amongs other windbags, in fact you may become a sought after date on the internet, all the girls like a good farter in bed.
See you later farty pants
February 9th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Faaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttttttttt! Enjoy!
July 15th, 2008 at 6:09 am
I was just looking this stuff up. Apparently you are not chewing enough. Unchewed food is not absorbed quickly, rots in your tubes and makes gas. Chew more.
Check it out:
http://chetday.com/digestiongas.htm