mf.rox

Today I got a funny comment from Bart about my last post:

I’m sure you’re talking funny. After all, you always talked funny when you lived in the States.

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I’m only kidding.)

That made me think of this article I just read in Cineaste, where they were interviewing Guy Maddin. Some of you may know I wrote him a fan letter once, which he replied to, saying somethings a long the lines of he was a lonely man who lived in a basement and got excited even when he got a gas bill. Anyway, he was saying he brought someone to meet some of his friends, and the person was astonished that they all talked like characters from a 1930’s musical.

Anyway, when I read that article, and when I watched a bunch of Guy Maddin movies at Chris Dumas’s apt., I had this feeling of disappointment in myself, and futility. It seems like although I have a lot of ideas I think are pretty special, I haven’t done much with them. I know sometimes I’m too negative, thinking of this or that reason why something won’t work. Also, I’m sort of an idea person rather than an action person. Maybe that’s what I really need — to find an action person to be my partner in life. I’ve been questioning my relationships with people — like there was this one guy who liked me in Indiana — I think he was sort of an action guy, because he made zines and stuff, but I couldn’t be attracted to him. Actually, there was another person who fit that description too. Maybe I’m too negative in my relationships with people …. Lately I’ve also been worrying about how I don’t have a baby, and to have a baby I have to find someone to have one with, and raising one on my own would be hard … blah blah blah. I have all these “balled-up” thoughts, which is bad, because it’s something that happens to me when I’m depressed. I’ve got to watch out for that. Of course, being in this weird situation it’s easy to feel bad, and to think too much.

One good aspect of the day was that I asked my neighbor Sumiko to go out to the grocery store with me. I took the wheelchair, had it aired up at a local pump, and zipped over. I’m getting pretty good at maneovering it. I got all sorts of food, so I don’t have to worry about running out anytime soon.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 13th, 2004 at 8:53 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.